you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize