Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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