You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize