I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
