And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
