Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i've created a new STD.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
