I must be too annoying 4 u.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
