I bet he comes in French.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i've created a new STD.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
