So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
