my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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