Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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