Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Even my vagina gasped.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
