last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
