I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize