Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
