Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize