my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
