i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
