Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize