dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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