Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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