ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
