I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
