I murdered the dance floor call the cops
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
