Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
