All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
