some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
