He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize