Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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