she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
