I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
