as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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