dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
