after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
