Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
