And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
