Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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