i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
