I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
