sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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