well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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