Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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