Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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