Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
