oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
