just tell him i said nine months
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
