So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
