That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
