You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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