so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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