I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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