I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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