her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
