In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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