just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can't talk, ducks in the car
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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