In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
