I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
