i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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