are you so shy because you have an std?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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