We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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