dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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