We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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