11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
