Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
