Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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