I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
