I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
