So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize