if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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