I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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