Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
